Why do I feel so affected in life by others stuff?

Growing up, I was always sensitive and at times over-sensitive which caused me to be very shy at a very young age. You wouldn’t know it now, but I was exactly that-extremely shy. Mostly in front of others and strangers, but not so much with my immediate family. I was very comfortable with my immediate family and  I felt safe.

I do remember the man across the road though. There was something different about him. I could never understand his ‘fakeness.’ As a child you tend to be quite honest and see things for what they are in black and white. I couldn’t understand why everyone would go along with his nonsense, it was like we were living inside some sort of theatre when we went to visit him. It was strange from a child’s point of view, nonetheless that was how he behaved and what people seemingly accepted. I hid behind my mothers leg whenever he would address me and say hello. I ignored him, I did not like him. I was sensitive to strange men that behaved different to others, I was aware there was something being hidden from him. I wasn’t having any of it and I certainly wasn’t taking on any of his stuff either-I avoided him in my childish way and I say to you to be like your inner child. Avoid those things you don’t like to see by looking for what you want to see!

For most of my young adult life I was a ‘people pleaser’ and someone that really cared for others ……..probably too much.  I was that sensitive, that I assumed that if something had happened, then it was probably my fault and often did not see that perhaps they may have played some part in it as well. I was only looking through my own eyes and felt that it was probably me….all of me…and none of it them.

Life is quite different now. Now  I see ‘why’ things happen  and how I am a part of it ….or not. But what about those of us who still find it hard to detach from things that bring  us down? What about the things that  bother us and that aren’t our ‘stuff’ and yet we feel obliged to take them on? Well I am going to give you the heads up in understanding why it is not healthy or important for you to take on negative events and other people’s stuff and how to separate yourself from it and add to it in a positive way.

So I want to relate to what I was talking about before and that was the fact that I felt quite sensitive to others and how that in turn that affected how I interacted with others. It wasn’t all bad, it caused me to become a caring and loving soul which I still am, but the boundaries were non-existent at times and that got me into trouble with some relationships. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I also did not look to see where was ‘their’ ownership was in any of it and relied mostly on my own feedback. This also in turn affected the way I respected myself in the sense that people can then take advantage of you and not be the best ‘friend’ for you but rather someone who manipulates you. It is of course all learning and my ownership is always about “allowing”. Without allowing one cannot ‘do’ anything to you unless you have allowed it. I had allowed those parts at an unconscious level and so they became part of the whole-but not a true whole!

So let’s take a simple example of being out at the shopping centre and you observe a customer yelling abuse at a shop assistant. Now you will have one of the many reactions to that and depending on who you are and what you have experienced it will be different not only for you, but everyone else. You will either get angry, shrug it off or feel sad and sorry for the person.

If you are finding you are always responding with anger, then you need to do some of your own resolving within since something has been activated within you-perhaps it feels like bullying and injustice to you.

If you are shrugging it off then you have learnt to realize that I don’t know what happened before, during or after and I am in no position to make an assumption. My interpretation is very different to their interpretation. Not my problem-I don’t take on ‘their’ stuff and make it mine.

Now what about if  you are feeling sorry for this person or even sad? How do you deal with it then? You are affecting the very ripples of the Universe.

Here’s why-NEWTON’S LAW

‘For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction’

So basically what that means is, that for every thing that exists, there is the presence of it or the absence of it. There is the yin or the yang. There is the dark and the light, there is the very thing you want and the very thing you don’t want ,the good -the bad etc…….you get the picture.

So when someone is being awful to someone else by yelling at them abusively, understand that you don’t know what is actually going on in the victim’s mind(we’ll just call them that in order to separate,who is who here). You don’t know how they are interpreting it no matter how something appears.

Firstly: Everyone has a different perception of what they perceive. Secondly: When you look at someone and feel sorry for them, if you have that emotion then reach into this emotion-I want better for you. Because when you do you are now reaching into Newton’s Law where true miracles take place.

When you desire something for someone -like something better than what they are experiencing and you can go there in that place for them rather than hanging around in feeling of feeling sorry for them, you create a connection for that person whether they know it or not, whether they are aware of it or not and whether you may never see them ever again or not. Your thought’s and hearts desires for others are as powerful as your own. When you desire something for someone else you help to create it and you create your own bridges as well of your own at the same time, so not only are you creating in  Quantum physics by leaping in this way, but you are doing it in a double whammy. You are doing it for them and yourself.

So what’s this all got to do with being sensitive and not taking on others stuff?????

Well being sensitive can have a lot of pluses. If you can desire more good for others and wish wellness truly can come to them, you become an amazing contributor. Not only to your the lives around you, but to the very life of your own that you are living.

Expecting better for others

Turning pain into  opportunity

Reaching out and being kinder

Being more understanding

Desiring something more for self or another

So if you feel like you are allowing yourself to be affected by others in a negative way that it’s giving you negative feedback, let it sit for as little as possible and reach for wanting to offer something better in your heart, hopes and dreams and you will feel the abundance in your heart and the shift in your soul….that’s how you stop other’s stuff from entering your heart, mind and space. What you focus on becomes your experience.

You cannot help another with their pain by giving them more pain-You have to find a different solution-a different stance. Finding love along the way is the step to recovery and it is the fulfillment of one’s own soul. And it only takes one small step to begin.

If you are wanting to breakthrough in your life finally and smash down the walls that you once created, then you are ready for the change. Book now for a 15 minute chat to start changing your life.

Lashings of Love-Jennifer. Contact me now-Contact form





Author: Jennifer Giacoppo

I love Personal Development and I love sharing my experiences, tips and techniques on how I apply Personal Development in my life. I am an Aussie girl who also loves Zumba, cooking, having fun, laughing a lot, redesigning and re-upholstering, gardening, meditating. Spending time with my family and friends I love a good meal. I looooove a good gin and tonic.