Who doesn’t want more of themselves?
Wouldn’t you love to feel more energetic? To feel more love in your life? To have more happiness? More peace? More time? More abundance on all levels?
You can ……..and it starts and ends with you. That’s right only you can live through you, only you can ultimately make your choices for you. What if Self-ISH-ness was the key to all of that? Wouldn’t you want more of that?
You see the key to getting more out of life comes from getting more out of you, but you have to have YOU in order to get more out of you. Without you there is nothing to give. So what to do……..?
You have to become more self-ISH. You have to decide that whatever makes you feel good, is what is going to allow you to fill yourself up so that you can have more energy, more time, more love, more peace….etc. You have to decide what feels right to you and not anyone else. When I want to do something I go in with the heart of ‘I am doing this because it makes me feel good.’ Then when I do that, not only do I benefit, but those around me benefit too.
So, I am doing things that make me feel good and often it trickles out into the family and friends in a positive way. But what about when I do something that benefits me and others may suffer?
‘Their suffering is not your problem’
So what happens if I want to do something or have done something and my family or friends or whoever it may be, doesn’t agree with it or dislikes that it is not going their way?
Firstly I gotta say that most of the time I think about our family as a whole and try to factor everyone in most of the time. It’s not hard work because I always do it from a place of excitement or love. I then present it to the rest of the crew who (depending on their mood at the time) are either up for it or not. If they are not up for it and that’s o.k at the time then ‘no problemo.’ But if it is unfortunately something they have to do, then there is not much I can do about that. They can either do it under sufferance or learn that to just go with the flow and accept it is something that will be for their own good.
If they choose not do something with me, I am fine with it and accept that it makes me happy that they are making themselves happy. But yes, sometimes there are those moments that things have to be done or attended to and they just have to find their way, happily or not and I understand also that sometimes I do things be-grudgingly and so I get that it is O.k to feel this way.
It is the same with having to say no or turning someone down about something. If there is something I don’t want to do or attend, if the response from the other is not received well and they seem upset or angry, I can’t be responsible for their feelings. That is really about them, not me. I spent most of my younger life trying to please other people to only discover that, that is a never-ending story. So I learnt early on that pleasing myself is really the only way one can go.
If someone is happy leave them alone, but only for a little while!
Sometimes I witness my children playing on their electronics and see how happy and QUIET they are. I appreciate that they are doing their own thing and that they are truly happy. But sooner or later I see that you just can’t live on your electronics, although my almost 10 year old son would dispute that.
I don’t mind that they are doing what makes them feel good, but every now and then I jab them and say ‘it’s time to go do something together.’ Sometimes it is welcomed and other times not. I know when they have been on their electronics for some time I love that they are pleasing themselves, but taking a break and spending some quality time together is wonderful for all parties. When my head hits the pillow at night I feel good that I shared some quality time with my family and have no qualms about them going back to their devices. I am very blessed to have two healthy happy children and so because of that I feel that not being so hard on them about everything they do, is important. I am sure there are a lot of parents out there who have sick children and even some who no longer have their children would want for all parents to enjoy their children and enjoy them in their own happiness. I guess you just need to know what your balance is. When I see them happy on their devices, even if they have been on them for the most part of the day, I leave them alone but only for so long as I want a little piece of them in my day. I selfishly want to enjoy them. I also realize it is important to let them decide what makes them happy. And I say to you-You decide what makes you happy-Be more selfish like your children… understand that everyone wants to selfishly be happy and wants to do what they want and somewhere we can meet in the middle.
I try often to live like this but as you can imagine at times there is resistance. With a teenager who is becoming more independent, I need to keep up with what a teenager likes to do. You have to learn to stay in their world if you want to remain connected and I selfishly find things that we can both agree upon so that we connect. However when we do something that both our children are not interested in, but we feel they just need to get out-we discover that 99% of the time they end up having fun and even end up meeting their friends out. I love that the experience shows them that you just never know.
So be more selfish to yourself and let others be selfish for their own good and the next time you may find yourself judging someone of their selfishness, just remember they are doing what makes them happy and you should go do that too. It’s not the selfishness that makes you angry about the person, it is the lack of your own selfishness that makes you angry, the lack of giving to you and putting yourself first at times.
I’d love to hear about your selfishness or perhaps somewhere that needs more attention to in your life. Leave a comment-would love to know. -Lashings of love-Jennifer